Women of Inspiration Tea

Saturday was Shane’s Inspiration’s annual Women of Inspiration Tea. I was one of the honorees, along with Jerri Hemsworth. I was surprised when I received the phone call saying they wanted to honor me. Shane’s Inspiration is very near and dear to me. I’ve been participating in various fundraising activities for them since I was nine. Ironically, this year while shopping for a dress for their gala, I picked out a dress and said, “This would be nice to wear to a tea.”

It was a privilege to be honored. I was very excited when I found out they got my good friend Laura to present me with the award. Half of me was worried she would roast me, the other half believed that she would give a nice, heartfelt speech. Luckily, my latter half was correct. There will be plenty of other occasions to roast me. Right now, my birthday is the most popular. The tea presented me an opportunity to give a little back to Shane’s, since I haven’t had the time I once did. Writing the speech was easy, although I waited until the week before to do it, which was not the best to go over it for pronunciation. But I did a pretty good job. My speech therapist told me to stop eating before I gave my speech. My friend who was helping me was very confused by this, as was I. Apparently, I don’t move my muscles as gracefully when I chew as when I talk. You learn something every day. Had I known that, I would have eaten lunch beforehand. I had also told my speech therapist I was less concerned about giving the speech and more concerned about keeping my legs together in a not-super-short dress while giving the speech. Luckily, my legs didn’t spasm much that day and I felt fine but while I was giving the speech, I watched my speech therapist start to take her wrap off in case I needed to put it over my legs. That made me want to laugh, but I held it in. Being ladylike is not my strong suit.

Seeing my friends was the best part. I made sure to thank my mom in the speech so she got to play the proud mom role. She got really tired of that. There were wonderful spa stations set up all over the place, including massages, henna tattoos, manicures, and tarot card reading. I cut in line at almost every station. It’s the inspirational thing to do. I also got a giant trophy. Initially, when I saw it, I thought it was a vase. It’s beautiful, it’s just a lot bigger than anything I’ve ever imagined. I have a little shelf in my bedroom where I have some of the awards I’ve received over the years. There’s no way it will fit on there. After the tea, I went to a show where my former acting teacher received a lifetime achievement award and I wanted to yell, “My award is bigger than yours!” Size doesn’t matter.

I loved how everyone came up to me and told me I should get my nails done. People don’t realize having involuntary movements makes it really fucking hard to get your nails painted. I was too lazy to explain this to half the people there so I just smiled and said, “Not today.” All in all, it was a great day.

Staged Reading

Saturday, Matt and I did the staged reading for the play we co-wrote. This was my first time doing a staged reading. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. We put the reading together in four weeks, which I knew wasn’t a great amount of time, but I thought things would happen faster. We started by thinking, “Oh yeah, we’ll take a week for casting then have a rehearsal a week before the reading.” That didn’t happen. We had half the cast in about two weeks. What I didn’t take into account was people don’t respond right away to emails or phone calls. Then I had some people who said they could do it not be able to. One of my favorite responses from an actor was, “I can do the reading, but not that week.” This was my first time dealing with actors in this way. There were times where my loving relationship with them was tested.

Once we got the cast together, it took a little bit of time for the theatre to confirm which space we had. I would rather have a cast together and find out we had no theatre than finding out we had a theatre and no cast. Luckily, we got a great cast of very professional actors who came super-prepared. I was extremely grateful that they took the time to really get to know their characters and breathe life into the story.

Having the reading with an audience was really helpful. There were times when I could hear the audience gasping. That told me they were really into it. I got caught up in watching some the actors, but was able to keep my writer’s cap on. I tried to read along with the script, but my copy was out of order. That’s what I call being prepared.

After the reading, we had a feedback session with the actors and the audience, which was the predominant reason we did the reading. There’s only so much Matt and I can get out of a script by reading it to each other. There comes a time where I feel that I’m trapped in a tunnel and I need someone to show me the way out. Other people’s perspectives are the way out. Hearing opinions, whether I agree or not, is important. If someone says something about the story that I don’t agree with, it can challenge me to think, “Why does this not fit?” When I hear a suggestion I like, I feel inspired. It gives me a direction to take the story. Feedback allows me to find out whether or not I’m conveying the story I want to tell in a way that other people can understand. It’s a lot different when I’m reading a script and I know exactly what I mean than handing it to somebody else. It’s also interesting to get people’s emotional responses. People project a lot onto what you write. They take things personally that I never would have thought of. As a writer, it’s also my job to weed through what is their emotional stuff and what is a critique. Sometimes, it’s very hard to tell the difference.

Now, it’s our job to take the feedback, decide what we want to fix, and rewrite. Writing is rewriting!  I’m also taking a sitcom writing class, so I’ve gotten critiques about what I’m working on for that class this weekend too. So right now, I feel like I’m on critique overload. No matter what the critique, I try to respond as politely as I can, even when I want to scream, “That’s not the story I’m telling! Write your own damn play!” I’m grateful that we did the reading, and even though Matt and I have a lot of work ahead of us, I’m excited by the new ideas we have.

Adaptation (Not the Movie)

Matt and I have been adapting a novella into a stage play. We got permission from the author to write a stage play and are hoping to get the rights to the book after the reading on April 30th.

The story takes place in the mind of a severely disabled fourteen-year-old boy who cannot communicate. What sparked my interest was the story. What does go on in the mind of someone who can’t communicate or has minimal communication skills? How smart are they? Do they really like what’s going on? What’s their opinion on things? Although the book is fictional, it gives the reader some understanding that someone who doesn’t communicate could still be a fully functioning human being.   Yes, technology has come a long way. We now have lots of options, things are being tested that can employ electrical signals in the brain to control computer cursors. They’re caps that use technology similar to EKGs. Someone I know is working with someone who was recently paralyzed on communicating with her toe. It’s amazing how far we’ve come. I’m so lucky that nowadays, people with different abilities are not just shut away and institutionalized. Although, in some parts of the world, it still happens. We’ve come a long way, but not far enough.

After completing a pretty solid draft of our play, we sent it to friends for feedback. I was glad that overall feedback has been positive, but Matt and I know the play needs work. What surprised me was how emotional some of my friends became after reading it. I know some people who are like the main character or who are parents of children who are like the main character of the play. This seemed to really hit a nerve with them.

My mom told me when I was diagnosed that her only hope was we could communicate somehow. After talking to some friends, I was reminded that the majorty of parents fear that their child is not communicating to their full extent, leaving them to wonder what is really going on in their heads. I kept reminding my friends that this a play, it’s a work of fiction. I thought this story was interesting and needed to be told on stage. For some of them, the questions the play brought up made it really hard to read. I just wanted to know if it was a good play or not. I was completely unaware of the impact it would have on some of friends. I’m not a parent, thank god, so I never put myself in their shoes.

After sharing this with my mom, she told me some parents who she lent the book to had the same reaction the same reaction some of my friends had to the play. My mom gave me the book when I was thirteen because she thought it was an easy summer read. She was drawn to the book for the same reason we turned it into a play. 

Since the novella is written from the character who can’t communicate’s perspective, Matt and I had to think outside the box for a way to show this. We agreed having two actors play the same part was the solution. One actor would be temporarily able-bodied, speak to the audience, and have no interaction with the other cast members. The other would simply sit in a wheelchair and have some different physicalities because we want people to get that he is an actual person. By embodying his thoughts in another actor, we can create some nice stage pictures and show the difference between his physical life and his mental life.

It still all boils down to the parents. When I was born, the doctors told my parents I would be a vegetable and don’t waste their time.  I wasn’t born that long ago! You would think, in this day and age, people would think differently. But they don’t. It’s also easier to say, “Institutionalize them” than it is to explore options. The latter takes time and can be a lot of trial and error. Being a parent is tough. There are no set rules. What works for one family might not work for another. Having a child who can’t communicate offers another challenge. Luckily, most of the parents I know who have kids who aren’t verbal find other ways for their kids to communicate. I applaud them for taking the time to explore these options. It’s sad that this is not the norm.

Matt and I never intended the play to cause anyone distress. We had hoped it would be thought-provoking and teach people that even if someone can’t communicate, they’re still a person.

Eventful Weekend

Friday night, my boyfriend and I went to a comedy show that included two of my favorite comics and friends, Jeff Richards and Earl Skakel. They rocked.

Saturday night was Shane’s Inspiration’s Annual Gala. I spent the past week shopping for an outfit for this event. I wanted something fun and a little sexy, since usually, when I go to a nice event, I’m representing some organization. Saturday night, I was representing myself. There was a part of me that felt guilty getting all dressed up and going out without my boyfriend, but that’s how I roll.

I was supposed to meet a friend at the gala, but we never hooked up. Attending the gala by myself was a first for me. Prior years, I’ve always gone with my mom or friends. When I bought my dress, I made sure it wasn’t long so I wouldn’t drop it in the toilet. Luckily, at dinner, I sat next to some people who I knew. The woman sitting next to me was nice enough to feed me. I’m a little insecure about not being able to feed myself all the time. This night, I was particularly shaky and my pills and wine did not help, like they usually do.  

Steve Valentine and Stephani Victor were amongst the honorees. They deserve it. They do a lot for Shane’s. I’ve been part of Shane’s since its beginning, about fourteen years ago. Shane’s builds universally accessible playgrounds so that children with different abilities can play beside their temporarily able-bodied peers. This teaches kids from an early age that people with different abilities are no different than people without them. I wish these playgrounds were around when I was a kid. I can’t tell you how many field trips I went on where we stopped for lunch at a playground and I would have to watch my friends play on the jungle gym from the sidelines.

Although I’m way past playing on playgrounds, I went to Shane’s Inspiration Playground in Griffith Park two weekends ago, after saying goodbye to my friend. Seeing all the kids playing on equipment I helped design perked up my mood. I tried to go on one of the swings, but some five-year-old beat me to it. A friend asked me why I just didn’t knock the kid off the swing. I was too depressed that a five-year-old could outrun me. I also realized it’s the kids’ time to play, not mine.

The couple of  hours I spent at the gala let me pretend I have money. Until the live auction started. My table was shocked when they auctioned off five thousand dollars’ worth of cosmetic surgery. Surprisingly, only one person had the guts to bid on that. We were even at the Regent Beverly Wilshire, in the heart of cosmetic surgery city.  

The gala was a night of magic and play. There were magicians everywhere. At least five magicians performed on the main stage during dinner. The concept couldn’t have been better. The kids and adults were entertained. I was glad there were magic acts. When I was a kid, I loved magic. Now that I’m older, I’d forgotten about it. I think it reminded everyone in audience of the magic of being a kid again. And that’s perfect for Shane’s.

The Week of Goodbyes

My dad officially moved to San Diego this past week. He said since I wouldn’t move, he had to. Really, he moved for a new job. Since the entertainment industry is mostly in L.A., I have to stay here. I’ll miss my dad, but I’m excited about visiting him in San Diego. It’s a great city and a friend of mine lives there, so I’ll be able to see her more. As I said in the previous blog, saying goodbye to my dad was like goodbye to my childhood. Being adult is kind of scary. Being a responsibile adult is a whole other story and something I can hopefully get away without doing for a little while longer. I should start by not drinking until after five. I’m kidding. After three.

I’m kind of freaked out about my dad moving because I used to go to his house and have peace and quiet. Now, I’m stuck at my house with people in and out all the time, my boyfriend, and my three bonkers dogs. I will miss dinners with my dad because he was the better cook. Do you feel the love?

The same week, my friend Martin left for Australia. Martin is my friend’s husband. They are a gay couple. They’ve been together for six years. Martin and his husband did not break up. Martin is from Australia and has been here on a student visa to be with his husband. He is part of our family. We’ve gone on many vacations together, celebrated birthdays, and Christmases. After I turned 21, Martin and I hit Vegas. We went clubbing. He was a great dancer and for the most part, kept the creepy guys who tried to pick me up away. Martin and his husband are registered as domestic partners so he couldn’t even marry someone just to get a green card. We suggested that to him. He refused. He wanted to be able to emigrate to the country legally. Seeing how our government treats homosexual couples, I can’t help but wonder how far has this country come? Our country claims to be very progressive but it’s not. If Martin was heterosexual, he’d be able to marry his partner. But because it’s not the way God intended us, they have to be apart. Yes, Martin looked for jobs in hopes of getting a work visa, but no one would hire him because even if he got a work visa, he had to leave the country and come back. His partner is devastated, as you can imagine. I’ve only been with my boyfriend for five and a half months, but I can’t imagine what it feels like to have the government say you can’t be together. I think if they had broken up, it would have been less painful, even if Martin could stay here. Even if the state’s vote to legalize marriage, it’s up to the federal government to honor it. Of course, if all the states legalize it, the federal government would automatically honor it.

All of us are going through a mourning period. People keep saying “Just Skype”, but Skype and actually having someone here are two very different things. I understand people are trying to be helpful, but just shut up. And I’ll block you on Skype. You can’t take a person out to dinner via Skype. And yes, they could write letters and try and to be romantic, but the point is they should just be able to be together. There have been talks about Martin’s partner moving to Australia, but both of their families are in America. Martin’s sisters are in America with green cards. One of them just got her citizenship, but it could take up to ten years for her to be able to sponsor Martin.

My dad left town by choice and that’s fine because I’ll see him again. Martin had to leave the country because he loved the wrong gender. In the immortal words of Lewis Black, “That’s fucked up.”

Show Time

Two weeks before the show at the Broad Stage, we had a rehearsal. The night before the rehearsal, my boyfriend and I were supposed to go to a comedy show, but he had a panic attack. I ended up going to the show alone, since a friend of mine was performing. That night, I came home and found he had fallen deeper into depression. I consoled him as best as I could, but I also knew I had to be alert for rehearsal so I had to sleep in the other room. Luckily, my mom took over. I don’t mean to sound like a bad girlfriend, but I had to do what was best for me. Sleep is very important to me. If I don’t get enough sleep, my muscles become even more uncontrollable and I’m pretty much not functional. I did the rehearsal on sheer adrenaline. I also was still worried about my boyfriend, but didn’t let it show. That’s the thing about being an actor, you have to put whatever bullshit aside and pull off the show. Fortunately, my boyfriend got better.

However, the week before the show, loving girlfriend that I am, I made him sleep him on the couch because he snores. My batshit crazy pitbull was happy to lick his face in the morning. I continued practicing my piece with my speech therapist every day. The more I practiced, the more confident I became. During rehearsal, I noticed I got nervous when I first started the piece so I was extra aware this when I practiced the piece. I always get nervous in the beginning; then, once I get going, I’m okay.

The week before the show, my nerves really got to me. Not to mention my dad was moving to San Diego during this time. Between the show and visiting my empty bedroom at his old apartment, I had lots of breakdowns and mood swings. I was a lot of fun to be around. Seeing my empty bedroom forced me to say goodbye to my childhood. I’ve been an adult for six years, but I sure don’t feel like it. It’s also a bit hard for me to keep my inner child alive since I had to grow up very quickly. However, I’m able to have lots of moments of immaturity. The people around me keep me laughing and remind me that life isn’t all about work.

The day of the show, I was ready to do it. I felt like I had done all the preparation I could and since it was so time-consuming, I was ready to get back to focusing on other projects. Like all shows I do, I made sure I looked good. I figure, if my performance sucks, I’ll at least give the audience something that’s aesthetically pleasing.

When I got the theater, I tried to explain to the tech person that a mic that rests on my ear wasn’t going to work for me and that I’ve been doing this for a while so I know what I’m talking about. But they insisted on trying and failing with those mics. Finally, they let me use my tried and true one lapel mic on each side of my vest so that no matter how much my head moves, it picks up my voice.

The Broad Stage is a beautiful theater. I was thrilled to be performing in such a place. I was a little intimidated to be sharing the stage with Benjamin Bratt, Muse Watson, Amy Brenneman, and Stephen Stills since they’re all accomplished in their own right. Zach Hatch is also a really talented actor and poet. There was a part of me that wanted to go in with my SAG card displayed on my neck to show that I’m really an actor. Everybody was really nice and supportive. It was my first time doing a professional theater show. I was not expecting the thirty-minute curtain call, which was more like a forty-five minute curtain call. Or the fifteen minute mic call. Luckily, my friend Marty, who does a lot of theater, was my assitant for the evening and guided me through. Everything was funny to us because I was so nervous. My coping mechanism is laughter. There was a bottle of tequila in the green room I was tempted to take a sip out of. When I first started doing stand-up comedy, my parents used to give me a drink because I would get so nervous. I worked through that. I actually intended to have a celebratory drink the day after the show, but was too tired. 

Waiting to go on stage was the hardest part. I became surprisingly calm. I just went into the zone, I guess. I was the last actor to go on before Stephen Stills. As soon as Benjamin Bratt got on stage, I waited at the curtain for him to get off. Although each piece was only about fifteen minutes, it felt like an eternity. When I got onstage, I had many things going on in my head at once. Which is surprising because usually, there’s not much going on up there! I was making sure I paused and planned (my piece looked like Colin Firth’s speech at the end of The King’s Speech; it’s good to know I used a tried and true method), connected with the audience, didn’t strain my voice, tried to keep my hair out of my face, and have fun.

It worked. I got a standing ovation and hugs from the rest of the performers when I got off stage. After the show, I received a lot of praise for my performance. I was worried that my head might not fit into the car for the drive home. Michael Chiklis surprised me by being moved to tears by piece. The evening made me feel like I was doing something right. All my hard work was worth it for those fifteen minutes on stage. I look forward to doing more often.

Dramatic Reading Preparation

On February 26th, I will be performing at the Broad Stage to raise money for charities including CHIME Charter School, for which I’m on the board of directors. For this performance, I adapted a piece I had done at a spoken-word show two years ago to make it more dramatic. Comedy is my strong suit. Writing a piece that was more on the dramatic side was a challenge because I’m a smartass. I snuck in comedy. The most challenging part is going over the piece for pronunciation. With a speech disorder, not everyone can understand me as easily. I’ve spent the past three weeks on the phone with my speech therapist for forty-five minutes going over a fifteen minute piece. When I started practicing, my speech therapist noticed that I was straining my voice. My confidence in speaking came from overusing my vocal cords by bashing them together. For the first week, I got off the phone and had to only speak at a whisper. I had to relearn how to speak, focusing more on moving my mouth properly then tensing my voice. There were days where I just wanted to crawl into bed after practicing because I felt so drained. Realizing that I had been speaking incorrectly for so many years and trying to reprogram my brain was frustrating, especially when I wanted to yell at my three barking dogs. The thing that got me through it was knowing that what I had to say was important. My speech therapist, friends, and family were all very supportive. Throughout moments of frustration, I reminded myself how much I’m an attention whore. The stage feels like home to me. If performing came naturally to me, I wouldn’t like it as much. I like coming off stage and feeling like my work has paid off.